! Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Mirror Mirror.......

How do I look? Apparently........ the answer is open to interpretation.

When I woke up this morning and Gazed dreamily into my manly, yet jewel-encrusted vanity- I had trouble recognizing myself. I looked as if I had just climbed Mount Doom over the period of a year with Gollum as my only companion. Call me crazy.

Wasn't it JUST the other day that I got CARDED at Ralphs while trying to buy a pack of cigarettes without anyone taking notice? The young lady at the checkout asked to see my I.D. when I whispered my secret request. I'm pretty sure I cackled like a crazy old woman and informed her that my JACKET was over 30 years old! Still, she insisted on looking at my license and then.... her eyes bulged out of her head.... she gasped, clutching her bosom and began to chortle (en Espanol) to the (again, quite young) lady next to her station.

When she regained her composure, she asked me how old I really was. I asked her what the birth date was on my license? She looked again and said 1954. I then asked her to do the math. As I saw the puzzled expression criss-cross her bonita (and young) visage, it began to dawn on me that it was possible she might not be the brightest star in the galaxy. Call me crazy.

Was it possible, after all, that I did NOT actually appear to be somewhere between 18 and 21 years of age? My ego-crash (mere seconds after my boost) was a crushing blow. I drove home (chain smoking ) and flew to the mirror. It was only the week before that a "gentleman caller" had commented on how many mirrors there were in my home (Commonly known as the DOLL HOUSE). I had never really given it any thought but I remember looking at him quizzically (THIS, I remember- his name, not so much) and honestly not comprehending his thought process. He said that he had been watching me all afternoon- and that whenever I moved more than say, a FOOT, that I looked at myself in one reflective surface or another and that while doing so, checked out my HAIR each and every time. Honestly, I was flabbergasted. I stopped to think about it, reflect upon it, one might say.

TWELVE- Yes, I counted. Twelve mirrors in 650 square feet of living space. Didn't count the ones hanging outside in the garden (is that cheating? Oy.) Is TWELVE too many? The question hangs in the air like a grotesque spider delicately balanced on a whisper-thin dewy and glistening magical thread. The answer?


I really was completely unaware that I had (what some might say) a LOT of mirrors (most of which are after all, DECOR!) and not even conscious of the fact that I was looking at myself in each one of them as I gesticulated wildly, not unlike a frenzied Gypsy Peasant Girl (To be fair, my "friend" did not actually USE those words, yet they were still somehow implied). Call me crazy.

I'm still thinking about it all, still unsure that it's a BAD thing. My sister once suggested that it was possible that I cared too much about my appearance.......much to my chagrin. While it may be true that I look at myself periodically throughout the day, it is a rare thing indeed, to find that I am pleased with what I see. It DOES happen, truth be told. and I will admit that I have said the words (aloud)- while gazing (again-dreamily, of course) at my reflection- "Jean Claude Van Damme I look good" ! ( I heard it somewhere- I think the "Fresh Prince") Call me crazy.

Only tomorrow will tell. I may get a great nights sleep (courtesy of the Valley of the Dolls) and awake refreshed. After a shower and shave along with moisturizer from head to toe, I'll rub a little Jergens 'Natural Glow" on my face and arms (It "creates a healthy summer glow- all year long"!) and put a little product in my (cut every four weeks) hair. I find a combination of "Sheer Blonde" Healthy Attitude leave-in nourishing spray and Redken "Outshine" anti-frizz polishing milk- is just the thing. Somewhere between a splash of cologne and deciding on whether to wear 501's or board shorts- I MAY glance at myself. I might look okay. I might look like Methuselah .....but apparently, I'm going to look. Is it a bad thing?

MAYBE. Call me crazy.


Lynne (aka Witchypoo) said...

You're so vain, you probably think this comments about you. LOL!

Really darlink, mirrors and reflective surfaces are a must for little spaces, just ask Carson.

They make the space seem larger (you know as in "objects in this mirror may appear larger...") and may even shed a bit more light.

Just be sure the angles and reflective light is good and you should be just as adorable as you always were.

And remember... to me you will always be 16 :) Love you!

Lulubelle said...

I don't care how dim a bulb that checker might have been, you should bask in that glow as long as possible - a carding is a carding!
As to the mirror issue, I counted up my own: seven in the front house and two in the back house. Why so many? I have only two words: Ooooh, shiny!
Lastly...I do call you crazy. But so do you me. Better that than boring, darling!

Anonymous said...

Well, thats a very interestig morning ritual....

let me share with you mine-

First, before i even open my eyes, i let out a huge (time relesed) fart that usually wakes up the person beside me (you know who). That simple act of flatulence creates an open invitation for two (four legged friends, 80lbs wiems) to jump up onto the bed and take over. I then get up, give my ball sack a little scratch, then I usually bring my hand upto my nose to see just how bad it realy is down there.

I dont bother looking into the mirror, no body wash or luffas here, no product- no hair, no body lotions. I dont bother to worry about whether I should wear my 501's or prada, board shorts etc..., Im just happy finding something thats clean and only been worn a few times, usualy something on the top of the dirty clothes pile in the corner of my room.

No matter what I do, guys in Santa Monica still want me, and my wife will not leave me, (Not that i want her to leave).

By the way, I counted two mirrors in my 1540sqr ft. house, one in each bathroom.

maybe I need another mirror....

The Dying Crow-

Anonymous said...

yes, it's are a pretty one!!

...from one revolving door owner to the next :)

Anonymous said...

Hi, very interesting post, greetings from Greece!

Anonymous said...

Hey - I am certainly glad to find this. cool job!