Barbie
Ken, have you noticed there seems to be an awful lot of competition out there these days?
Ken
Listen’ hon, it’s a whole different world. we’re practically dinosaurs, for cryin’ out loud!
Barbie
Well, those “Bratz” girls are giving us all a bad rap. Whatever happened to “My Little Pony”? She was precious. Just wholesome enough and had that pretty shiny purple hair......
Ken
Her hair color was a little psycho, if ya ask me- but I’m still steamed about the abundance of homo's in the market place. Not easy for a real guy like me to get a date anymore.
Barbie
There are those who would argue your “real guy” status. Besides, What are you doing looking for dates? What am I? Chopped liver?
Ken
No, sweetie, you’ve always been a real doll. I’m just sayin’.
Where do all those Keebler elves keep coming from? I’ve yet to see a female in the bunch. That hole in the tree looks like one big gay party if you ask me.
Barbie
I can’t imagine what you have against them. They’re here, they’re queer. Leave ‘em alone, for cryin’ out loud!
Ken
I’m just sayin’... between those fruity teletubbies and Bert and Ernie, we men have got our work cut out for us.
Barbie
I hate to break it to you, sweetie, but you’re no G.I. Joe. I love a man in uniform!
Ken
Well, now you are really getting me worked up. I have half a mind to give Skipper a call!
Barbie
Oh....Didn’t you hear? She’s been seeing one of the “Spice Girls” for over a year- and they’re already passé!
Ken
Hmm....Yogi and Boo Boo started it all. Practically made pedophile a household word.
Barbie
Oh, please! You’re just still sensitive about the whole “genitalia issue” At least I got a little junk in the trunk!
Have you seen the Incredible Hulk? Now that’s what I call a man, baby!
Ken
You bitch. I’m surprised those assholes in corporate haven’t come out with 'Hoochie Mama Barbie' yet. Clearly, you are a whore. The years have not been kind to you. Aside from that, Miss Thing, you have clearly become the international poster child for anorexia....I’m just sayin’.
Barbie
Miss Thing? I’d bet my Monopoly money that you’re the one who's gay and just refuse to come out. I remember the 70’s, you know. You had a pierced ear and carried a man-purse. At least I was a stewardess at the time. I had a career. What were you doing? Learning to surf and working on your tan.
Ken
Pot to kettle, pot to kettle- come in kettle! 'Malibu Barbie' ring a bell? Driving that pink Corvette and teasing Mr. Potato Head. As I recall, you made the eyes pop right out of that filthy gourd! All I know is that In fifty years, you have yet to put out!
Barbie
You’d be surprised. Just ask the 'New Kids On The Block'. Living dolls- each and every one. Or 'In Sync'. They had no complaints. I dated one of them for months.
Ken
My point exactly. Didn’t he turn out to be.... oh, I don’t know.....Gay?
Barbie
Well, you’re no Jolly Green Giant, pal. In fact, one would be hard pressed to find anything in your pants worth talkin’ about.
Ken
Gay, gay and gay! You believe that story about Sprout being his “son”? Someone should call social services.
They’re all fairies. I’m tellin’ you, those friggin’ elves are hiding something....
Barbie
Again with the elves? I suppose you think the Travelocity gnome is a perv, too.
Ken
Well, if he is- I’m sure you’ll give him a roll.
Admit it Barb- our days are numbered. Whatever happened to Betsy-Wetsy? Think I’ll give her a holla. Later, doll!
